I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
