I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
