1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
