I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
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