I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
