Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
