Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
