out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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