Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
