what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
