Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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