exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
