And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
