We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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