Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
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