i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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