If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Randomize
