so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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