You just made me feel so damn special
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
you had me at cake vodka
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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