I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
