4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
