One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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