Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
