I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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