Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
it glows. i had to have it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
