'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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