singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
