Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
