it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
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