John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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