There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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