you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
