Capitaan dildo arrescate!
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
