This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
