she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
