is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
