Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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