Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
