Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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