After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
i believe in u and ur pee
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
