At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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