he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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