For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
