dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
