And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
