We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
