There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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