the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
