I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
