i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
