check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
